I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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