she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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