No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
