my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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