Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
