i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
