you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
