Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
