I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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