We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
