How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
