Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
