There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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