I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
