Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
