I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
