i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
