yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
