I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
