I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
