he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
