Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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