I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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