wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
