pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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