searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
