going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
there is puke in my bra ... again
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