Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
