you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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