Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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