new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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