They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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