Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
