You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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