Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
