Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
