need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
there is glitter all over my balls
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