you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He passed out mid-signature
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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