70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
