Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
