so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
