Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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