Your dad touched me again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
