It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
