I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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