Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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