then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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