So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
