I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I need to stop coming to work sober
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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