At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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